I've identified a pattern in my thinking. It starts with feelings of emptiness . . . a need to be filled, to feel full. I seek God, seek answers. I become convinced that only God and His love are enough to fill me. And so I begin to drink at that well. And a few days or weeks later, I still don't have the feeling I'm seeking. And I become disillusioned and unbelieving. And I have a feeling of emptiness . . . a need to be filled, to feel full. An endless cycle. I can see that the breakdown comes when I don't have the feeling I'm seeking and my resulting unbelief. The answer to that is to believe. To believe whether or not the feelings come with it. To believe just because God is who He says He is and God will do what He says He can do. To believe He is enough because He says He is.
And because I have chosen to believe that He can fill me with His love, today I'm believing:
See what great love my Father has lavished on me,
that I should be called a child of God.
And that is what I am!
I John 3:1
He has lavished that love on me. Not just a sprinkling, not just a drip, not just a cursory nod thrown my way. But lavished, thick and heavy and intentional. I'm believing that love today.